The SEC In A Sentence: Nobody Is That Good, But Mississippi State Is That Bad
Photo by Carly Mackler/Getty Images Welcome to the SEC in a Sentence, in which I attempt to shoehorn 200 pounds of SEC football truth into a 1 pound sack. But with words. So, a really small sack of words. You know, this analogy really isn’t working. Let’s get onto the main event. Alabama: With every passing week I get angrier and angrier that we lost a game to this clown show. Arkansas: The “this game is a referendum on Sam Pittman’s leadership” tour continues with a visit from Ole Miss, the only team in the SEC that makes the Razorbacks look consistent. Auburn: Maybe Hugh Freeze should catch a stomach bug every week. Florida: I almost feel sorry for what Kirby is about to do the Billy Napier, but not quite. Georgia: And now comes the hard part: doing all that on the road, again. Kentucky: Mark Stoops is really beginning to test my long held opinion that Kentucky offers the best combination of expectations vs. potential of any SEC coaching job. LSU: Brian Kelly’s going to want to invest in a food taster before he sits down to any bowls of gumbo he didn’t make himself. Mississippi State: Jeff Lebby came to Starkville looking to accomplish big things in year one and, credit where it’s due, becoming the first SEC team not named Vanderbilt to go winless in conference play since 2019 would be big news. Missouri: It terrifies me that there are people out there who picked this Tigers team to make the college football playoff and yet are still allowed to operate heavy machinery, own firearms, and vote. Oklahoma: Buddy when you manage to make Ole Miss look calm, cool, and collected your ship has absolutely hit the sand. Ole Miss: Not technically entirely out of playoff contention just yet, so suck it, Lane haters! South Carolina: The Gamecocks, fresh off a bye get a Texas A&M team fresh off a huge win, at night in Columbia, which is to say “stuff is about to get weird, and not in a fun way.” Tennessee: This Volunteer team has far more question marks than I would have expected if you’d told me they were 6-1 and had beaten Alabama, and I don’t think this weekend’s matchup with the Kentucky Wildcats will answer any of them. Texas: Watching Longhorn fans crow about a three point win over Vanderbilt was the surest sign yet that these boys ain’t SEC, Paul. Texas A&M: Mike Elko carpet bombed Brian Kelly, then verbally suplexed Jimbo Fisher in his postgame press conference, and is now well on his way to becoming my favorite SEC football coach who doesn’t hail from Bainbridge and have a fetish for a stylish Dri-Fit visor. Vanderbilt: “No matter how many rockets you strap on the rear end of a goat, and no matter how high in the air those rockets may blow said goat, it’s still a goat” is a sentence that really only makes sense in the context of the 5-3 2024 Vanderbilt football team. Until next week… Go ‘Dawgs!!!
Welcome to the SEC in a Sentence, in which I attempt to shoehorn 200 pounds of SEC football truth into a 1 pound sack. But with words. So, a really small sack of words. You know, this analogy really isn’t working. Let’s get onto the main event.
Alabama: With every passing week I get angrier and angrier that we lost a game to this clown show.
Arkansas: The “this game is a referendum on Sam Pittman’s leadership” tour continues with a visit from Ole Miss, the only team in the SEC that makes the Razorbacks look consistent.
Auburn: Maybe Hugh Freeze should catch a stomach bug every week.
Florida: I almost feel sorry for what Kirby is about to do the Billy Napier, but not quite.
Georgia: And now comes the hard part: doing all that on the road, again.
Kentucky: Mark Stoops is really beginning to test my long held opinion that Kentucky offers the best combination of expectations vs. potential of any SEC coaching job.
LSU: Brian Kelly’s going to want to invest in a food taster before he sits down to any bowls of gumbo he didn’t make himself.
Mississippi State: Jeff Lebby came to Starkville looking to accomplish big things in year one and, credit where it’s due, becoming the first SEC team not named Vanderbilt to go winless in conference play since 2019 would be big news.
Missouri: It terrifies me that there are people out there who picked this Tigers team to make the college football playoff and yet are still allowed to operate heavy machinery, own firearms, and vote.
Oklahoma: Buddy when you manage to make Ole Miss look calm, cool, and collected your ship has absolutely hit the sand.
Ole Miss: Not technically entirely out of playoff contention just yet, so suck it, Lane haters!
South Carolina: The Gamecocks, fresh off a bye get a Texas A&M team fresh off a huge win, at night in Columbia, which is to say “stuff is about to get weird, and not in a fun way.”
Tennessee: This Volunteer team has far more question marks than I would have expected if you’d told me they were 6-1 and had beaten Alabama, and I don’t think this weekend’s matchup with the Kentucky Wildcats will answer any of them.
Texas: Watching Longhorn fans crow about a three point win over Vanderbilt was the surest sign yet that these boys ain’t SEC, Paul.
Texas A&M: Mike Elko carpet bombed Brian Kelly, then verbally suplexed Jimbo Fisher in his postgame press conference, and is now well on his way to becoming my favorite SEC football coach who doesn’t hail from Bainbridge and have a fetish for a stylish Dri-Fit visor.
Vanderbilt: “No matter how many rockets you strap on the rear end of a goat, and no matter how high in the air those rockets may blow said goat, it’s still a goat” is a sentence that really only makes sense in the context of the 5-3 2024 Vanderbilt football team. Until next week…
Go ‘Dawgs!!!
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